Cats may not have a sense of humor, but cat veterinarians sure do! If you don’t believe us, just wait until you see the jokes that were put onto various animal hospital signs. There’s nothing like a good laugh to brighten your mood on the way to take your pet to the vet. Plus, cats are the perfect target for a joke since they often act like they’re way too good for this world, and certainly don’t get a bruised ego easily. Whether you’re a cat person or not, you’re sure to appreciate these jokes about the sassy felines. Get ready for some laughs!
The Punniest Cat Joke
Puns are the best because they can turn an average sentence into a funny one. It’s ironic that the person who wrote this joke is warning about being freaked out by cat puns at the same time that they’re making one.
The second line is even better because the tone appears to be getting serious. Then they drop that last “I’m not kitten,” and you know that they have to be. Some puns twist words so that they barely make sense, but this one does a purrfect job.
No Laughing Matter
When we first read this joke, we nearly missed the word “feline.” Since the human brain is very trainable, by the time you’ve gotten into the habit of reading you don’t often need to notice each letter. The word “feline” is so close to “feelin'” that it could be easy to miss.
In fact, both words have the exact same letters if you omit the “g.” “Purramedic,” on the other hand, is a little more obvious. At the same time, “purrfect” is the more common pun, so it’s refreshing to see something new.
Proof That The Earth Is Not Flat
As sassy as cats can come off at times, it’s also true that they can be some of the funniest pets in that sometimes they make absolutely no sense at all. Why a cat has the urge to push things around is as much a mystery as why dogs love to chase things.
That’s what makes this joke such a great one. Indeed, there would be a lot missing from this Earth if it were flat. Just imagine looking for your car keys and then realizing your cats pushed them into outer space again.
When It’s Time To Tell Someone Off
The fact that cats don’t have the language to scold their owners says a lot about the power of their behavior. Cats are experts at communicating in the most subtle of ways, like getting up when they’ve been pet enough, or looking at a stranger like it’s their mortal enemy.
Owners know their cats better than anyone since they spend the most time with them. The way some people have their mother’s nagging stuck in their head, we wouldn’t be surprised if some cat owners have minds plagued by their cat’s disapproval.
Those Were The Days
It’s easy to blame cats for their sense of entitlement and lack of gratitude, but they can’t help if history trained them to be that way. Then again, perhaps our ancestors thought that cats were gods because of the way they act.
Trying to answer if cats trained humans to worship them or if humans trained cats to be worshipped is like trying to solve the chicken or the egg conundrum or count how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop; the world may never know.
Know Your Place
Dogs are ruled by their pack leader, meaning that they work under a strict code of authority. As long as a human has the will to be assertive with their canine, the dog will have no choice but to obey and thus become a loyal follower.
Cats, on the other hand, don’t play by the same rules. Some cats would bolt at the first chance they got, if only they didn’t have to work harder for food in the wild than they do at home. But don’t ever confuse them as a follower just because they stick around.
Words To Live By
Well-known sayings are the best to turn into a pun because they’re usually easy to get right off the bat. The common phrase being utilized here is “live long and prosper,” which is an expression used by Spock on Star Trek.
“Live long and pawsper” sounds like an encouragement to live long under someone else’s roof being taken care of all your life. Also, to remain completely indifferent as often as possible. Man, cats have it good.
The Purrfect Celebrity
One thing that’s impressive about cats is how they can go the majority of their life with hardly any exercise, and then one day out of the blue hunt down a mouse like they’ve been training all year. The same logic applies to the weird things they do while they’re awake.
You may have the most relaxed cat one second, and the next they’re spazzing out for an hour straight, giving you plenty of time to grab a recording device. In this day and age, who wouldn’t love to have that kind of viral video talent?
Sometimes They Do Lend A Helping Paw
In all honesty, cats probably like to sit on your laptop because it’s warm. However, it’s fun to entertain the idea that they’d care enough to want to help you avoid work. They also may be saying it’s time to give them attention, so you better not disappear into that computer.
Whatever their intent, seeing an adorable cat all warm and soft snuggled on top of your laptop would be enough of a reason to “purrcrastinate.”
Not The Replying Type
This joke is short, sweet, and to the point. It also doesn’t rely on puns to be hilarious. It’s funny because many people could imagine this being true. It’s not like cats come racing when you call their name or arrive back home.
If they did text you back, they’d probably come off insulting without even trying. We could see them sending the distasteful “K.” as a response to your heartfelt message about how much you love their presence and just want the best for them.
One Perk Of Being A Cat
There are two ways to read this joke: the wrong way and the right way. If you’re feeling confused by it, you probably read it as saying dogs can not operate MRI scanners, but they can catscan.
The correct way to read this joke is that dogs cannot operate MRI scanners, but cats can operate them. It’s a bit confusing because you have to mentally break the last word apart to make sense of it. However, once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Nothing Beats Cheetahs
The cat attitude makes a whole lot more sense when you remember that they’re in the same family as lions, tigers, cheetahs, etc. No wonder they have such a complex; they have one of the most talented families in the jungle.
A cat would definitely get beat by a cheetah at poker, but that’s because they don’t stand a chance against their larger cousins. That must be another reason why they are always trying to come off tough. Their big heads have to make up for their tiny bodies.
The Disappearing Cat
If your cat was disappearing, the last thing on your mind would be what to feed it. Everything you once believe about physics and the laws of the Universe would go out the window, and you’d probably have a breakdown.
On another note, it’s funny that we call it evaporated milk despite the fact that it still is in liquid form. Only about 60% of the water is actually removed, so it’d probably just fall straight through your disappearing cat.
A Cat Would Say This
Cat jokes don’t get much better than this one. That’s because it captures the essence of a cat’s character so perfectly, especially as it relates to dogs. Anywhere a cat goes you get the sense that they simultaneously want to be admired and left alone.
On the other hand, dogs are often scatterbrained, so keeping their attention on one thing for long can be a challenge. Cats must be dying to grab the attention of a dog, even if only to race away from it the next second.
The One Thing They Can Never Get Enough Of
Everything seems to tire a cat, even sleep itself! We’ve all had those days where getting out of bed doesn’t feel possible. Imagine a life where all you had to do was stretch out on the couch, in the sunny part of the carpet, under the bed, anywhere that made you feel comfortable and safe.
It’s ironic to call sleeping a sport since it’s literally the exact opposite of exercise. But hey, each to their own.
It’s funny how what works for one species would never work for another. Licking is a clear example. The closest humans get to licking themselves is holding a wound to their mouth, and even that can be risky depending on the depth of the cut.
Cats, on the other hand, seem to love licking themselves almost as much as they love sleeping. It probably has something to do with their heightened sense of self-adoration. They may think we’re gross for not licking, but we think they’re ridiculous for hating water so much.
Look At The Bright Side
Where in the world did the expression “someone let the cat out of the bag” come from? Someone must have been trying to transport their cat without having to deal with its relentless claws.
That being said, getting the cat into the bag, as this joke so correctly points out, would have been the real nightmare. Maybe we should create the new phrase “somebody put the cat in the bag” as a congratulatory remark to acknowledge someone’s hard work and dedication.
This Is What Happens When You Get On Their Bad Side
As much as we love to poke fun at cats and their attitude, we have to admit that there’s something downright spooky about a hissing cat. A dog barking next door is worthy of any eyeroll and some earplugs.
But a cat viciously hissing down the street? That’s a worse omen than seeing a black cat on Halloween. Nevertheless, the term hissy fit is usually used condescendingly. If someone’s having a true hissy fit, you’ll know by the cold chill running down your spine.
You Wouldn’t Want That
Having a catastrophe is never a good thing, but we can come up with something even worse. Imagine having a cat-astrophe! What would that even entail? We imagine it would involve your cat being possessed or some other horror-movie event happening to the cat.
Most humans are rather lucky to have their cats. Whether you love cats or not, you should be grateful that an animal that is so aware of its own grandeur would spend its time with a human at all.
The Cat Who Lived
Harry Potter fans have to appreciate this pun. Who knew that one of the more popular characters in this era has a name that can easily be altered into a cat name? At the same time, a cat would probably be insulted if they realized you were calling them hairy, rather than furry.
Just imagine a cat with all of its agility and confidence having magical powers on top of that! Now that would be a cat-astrophe!
Listen To The Sign
You might’ve had to read this a couple of times for it to make sense if you don’t already own a cat, but if you do, then you know exactly what this sign means.
A cat will always be on the wrong side of the door. That’s just the nature of their ways and there is hardly anything you can do about it. This is just a face of life you’re going to have to accept.
No Need For An Alarm
Who needs an alarm when you own a pesky cat? Seriously, these felines don’t care about your sleep, they just want some food or something else you can provide them first thing in the morning.
Your face, belly, and arms aren’t safe while sleeping when you have a little frisky one crawling around your room. You may never know what’s going to happen in the early hours of the day, so just go ahead and get rid of that alarm.
It’s Time You Had That Talk
They say if you fail to plan you plan to fail. You need to keep that in mind when it comes to cats and having “the talk” with yours. One conversation you need to have is the one about catnip.
Catnip is the highly addictive substance that cats go crazy over. If you didn’t tell your feline that he or she will need to watch their consumption levels when it comes to consuming it, you’re in for a load of trouble.
Hey there, are you looking for a good time? Then you’ve come to the right place! The Eau Gallie Veterinary Hospital is exactly where you want to be if you’re looking for a wild experience.
They have all the animals you could imagine, ready for belly rubs and fetching. The most fun you’ll have, however, is with the kittens. They tend to live on the edge, so if you have any, please show us your kitties!
Don’t You Dare!
The rain can become bothersome, especially if its heavy pouring. The traffic gets worse, you get all wet, and you have to worry about where you step because you never know what’s on the ground.
That’s what you call raining cats and dogs. If this is the case, one thing we recommend is not stepping on a poodle or in a puddle. It just isn’t the safest or right thing to do when the rain won’t stop.
It Has To Be Purple…
Having a favorite color isn’t strictly for humans. Even animals can draw an interest in a particular shade. For cats, would you expect anything else to be there favorite hue, other than purrrple?
Not only is it the perfect pun, but it’s also the correct choice if you ask us. If dark enough, you can mistake purple for black and cats love being sneaky. From now on, only buy your cats purple accessories and see how happier they become.
Cats Will Eat It
While they aren’t as ambitious as dogs, a cat will not shy away from eating any type of food that is out there. That’s why its safer to keep all your food away form their reach.
If you do forget to leave out some food, all we ask is that you make sure it doesn’t match the color of your carpet. One thing will lead to another and you’ll step into some puke because you didn’t see it!
If you’ve ever pulled out a string like item around your precious little feline, then you know how serious they take that. All their attention shifts and now all they want to do is capture the mysterious stringy ornament.
That’s probably why a cat scientist majors in String Theory. That way, they can understand why a cat is so in love with strings and how they become so entranced by the situation with only a few things able to steer their attention away from it.
All You Need Is One
Even after we’ve shown you all this information about cats, they still are a great pet to own. Sure, they might scratch you up, make a mess around the house, fight with the dog, but there are so many reasons to adopt one.
While there are a ton of reasons to make the step in adopting, all you need is one. That one thing is that you will fall in love with the cat the first time it leaves a furball. You won’t have a choice cause you’ll feel so bad!
This one is probably a no-brainer, but do you know what a cats favorite breakfast is? It isn’t a bowl of wet food with catnip sprinkled on top, although that would be a good one.
No, their favorite breakfast has to be Mice Krispies. You can’t find it at every store, but if you look hard enough then you will certainly locate it. your cat will adore you for life after having this meal for the first time.
Selling Cat Food One Way Only…
There can’t be another way for cat food to get sold. The best and only way is to sell it individually or purr can. Do you get it, one purr can?
If you don’t get it, we’re sorry, but its the only type of food that only comes one by one thanks to cat puns. This way, there’s no confusion when someone asks you to pick up some cat food on the way home, just get the can.
You wouldn’t normally want to cross a cat and a lemon, but sometimes, strange things take place. Do you know what happens when these two mix? Don’t worry, we’ll tell you.
Crossing a lemon and a cat gives you a sourpuss, an even deadlier feline that you don’t want to mess with and always have to obey. If you don’t listen to their every command, then you might as well pack your bags and get out the house, cause you’re finished.
We Thought Cats Were Aliens
This whole time we thought that cats were aliens, but this sign tells us otherwise. If aliens were to come to Earth, their best bet would be to communicate with a cat, because they run everything.
We just hope the alien doesn’t mispronounce leader and litter or else the kitty might really take the otherworldly figures to where they relieve themselves. We wouldn’t want a world domination to take place because of bad communication, would we?
Cats Only Shop One Way
You won’t find a cat spending there time going from website to website as they shop for a new outfit. They don’t prefer to waste their money that way, but instead have another preference.
Cats will only shop with a cat-alogue! That way, they can swipe through the pages and tear them up at the same time. It’s a win-win for the little felines, so don’t expect them to add anything extra to your Amazon shopping cart.
Special Kitty Field Trips
By now, you know that cats do whatever they want, whenever they want, and feel no shame in what they do. It’s a cat’s world and we’re only living in it.
When it’s time to take them somewhere special, the only place you can take them is to a meowseum! You’ll get extra brownie points when you take them cause it’ll show that you’re well mastered in the art of kitty. Trust us on this one.
Have you ever met a cat that loves taking a bath or even remotely close to enjoying the experience? You’re in luck if you have, because finding one that does is a tough task.
That’s why cleaning them is such a big thing. Its nothing like bathing a dog, whom may enjoy that significantly. This is a whole new ball game we’re talking about when it comes to the felines. That’s why you have to call it Martial Art.
Pet Your Kitty
Something that cats provide that you can deem useful is the ability to let you pet them. Not all have the capacity to show such kindness, but the ones that do, you can bet you’ll feel way better after you do it.
Petting a cat will leave you feline good, in case you didn’t know from this sign. Their fur and purring combined provide something that tickles our insides. Be thankful if one chooses you to experience this.
The Dog Has It’s Day
A dog almost always listens to you when you ask it to. That’s just in their nature. If a pooch isn’t listening, then chances are it isn’t trained properly or, you can have an impostor.
By that, we mean a dog dressed as a cat. They’ve witnessed the power of a kitty and given the chance, they will do as a cat. Whatever you do, don’t let your canine dress up as a feline or there will be trouble.
They Don’t Listen
We told you, a cat’s purpose in life is to avoid listening to humans as much as they can. If you have a feline that obeys you when you talk to it, then it isn’t living up to its full potential.
Also, if that’s what you have, then you’re one of the lucky ones. A cat that listens is like the winning lottery ticket because they’re extremely rare to come across and make you very happy.
A Special Mountain
We’ve never heard this one before so we had to include it. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of being near a pile of cats, know that you are a lucky person.
Cats on top of each other is a rare sighting, which is probably why they’re labeled a meowtain. That’s certainly one of the most creative name for a flock of animals we’ve heard in a long time. Kudos to the creators of this sign.