The Most Absurd Boat Names In The Harbor

For most boat owners, boating isn’t just a hobby, it’s way of life. Whether they’re fishing, sailing, or throwing each other like rag dolls on the back of a speedboat, it’s no laughing matter. Aside from purchasing the boat, another rite of passage in the seafaring world is naming the boat. This is not something to take lightly either. It’s on par with naming a child because a boat is a reflection of its owner and they want everyone on the dock to know its name. While some boaters take this to heart and name their boat something meaningful, others take a different approach. In true boating fashion, this usually involves being as immature, offensive, or as inappropriate as possible. All aboard!

Somebody named their boat after a woman named Mary, and not in a romantic way.

It’s The House Or The Boat

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Is this really even a fair trade for a wife? Although some of us may want the comfort and stability of an actual house, the rest of us would rather feel the wind in our hair on the open ocean. As far as we’re concerned, you can still do almost anything on a boat that you can do in a house.

Plus, it’s acceptable to have a beer at any time of the day when you’re on a boat. So what do you need a house for?

Taking Some Well-Deserved Time Off

Photo Credits: boataccessoriesonline / Instagram

We wish that this boat owner’s boss could see what their employee named their trusty vessel. When people think that this person is doing research or traveling for work, in reality, they’re probably getting in some much-needed deep sea fishing or heading down to Mexico for a little vacation.

However, we appreciate the honesty on their part. They’re not trying to hide anything from anyone. Make sure to give them a wave if you ever see this boat out on the water.

Did Mary Lock Up The Boat?

Photo Credits: jaytay_77 / Instagram

We’re going to take a shot in the dock and say that this boat is probably the reason why Mary hates its owner. While some wives or girlfriends can be thrilled by their boyfriend’s decision to buy a boat, others… not so much.

Much like a car, some guys can care more about their boat than they do about their significant others. Chances are, whoever owns this boat also probably never lets Mary drive it. We’re not sure why this boat’s locked, but we feel like Mary is behind that.

Just A Man, His Boat, And His Grill

Photo Credits: funnyboatnames / Instagram

Although by no means do we ever condone driving a boat under the influence, we have to admit that this boat’s name is pretty funny. What’s even funnier is that it looks like there’s only enough room for the owner, considering that the grill takes up about half of the space in the boat.

We’re sure that whoever owns this boat has some pretty epic solo barbeques, we just hope they’re not getting “ship faced” at the same time.

Ever wonder how some people can afford a boat? At least someone is honest about it.

“I AM THE FISHER”

Photo Credits: myboatplate / Instagram

Anybody who’s a fan of the hit show Breaking Bad can appreciate this boat’s name. Its owner must have been enough of a die-hard fan that they decided they wanted to incorporate it into their boat name. We wouldn’t be surprised to see Bryan Cranston or Aaron Paul at the helm of this boat.

However, odds are, they probably aren’t just out there fishing if you catch my drift. We wonder if the owner wears a signature hat every time they set sail to reel in some bass.

Letting Everyone Know

Photo Credits: myboatplate / Instagram

As funny as it is, we don’t think that they needed to name their boat “Goin’ Broke” considering that everyone probably assumes so when they walk by or see it in the water.

However, we have to admit, this is an incredibly sleek boat, and it looks like it might be worth going broke over. We hope that the owner has a bed below deck because they might end up living on it soon enough!

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Poto Credits: myboatplate / Instagram

As long as you don’t mind getting weird looks out on the water or random searches from the Coast Gaurd, this boat name is hilarious. It’s an incredibly bold move, but you have to respect the creativity and fearlessness of naming your boat something like this.

We guess we’ll never know if it’s a joke or not, but maybe that’s the genius behind it. What would really be great is if the person with the “Breaking Bass” boat owned this one as well.

Coming up: Death by alcohol and river consumption.

Straight To The Point

Photo Credits: myboatplate / Instagram

Although this person had the opportunity to name their boat something semi-unoriginal or to do a sexual innuendo, they opted to be as witty as possible. This person was definitely thinking outside of the box when they came up with this idea.

If they’re lucky, people still read this as upside down, and it’s not capsized somewhere in the water. We wonder if there’s something painted on the bottom of the boat as well in order to really get people’s attention.

Keep The Tradition Alive

Photo Credits: myboatplate / Instagram

We can’t decipher who was the original woman to have this vessel named after, but we love the idea of it. Although the owner may have had different relationships over the years, it shows respect to the past girlfriends (kind of) and also demonstrates the boat’s history.

It may not be the prettiest thing in the world, but not only is it wholly original, but it also establishes this boat’s owner as a complete savage. It’s also likely that his current love interests aren’t too thrilled about his ongoing joke.

It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere

Photo Credits: Ire63 / Instagram

If you know what happens to your liver when you drink too much over an extended period, chances are you’ll get the joke of this boat name. Although permanent bodily damage from drinking too much is nothing to joke about, we guess anything flies out on the water.

Also, the martini glasses on the side are a nice touch and definitely help to get the message across. It’s also safe to say that very few people (possibly nobody else) has thought about naming their boat this.

See what happens when a J.R.R Tolkien fan gets their hands on a boat.

Die-Hard Fans

Photo Credits: erinsulley / Instagram

Everybody look out, looks like there are some new kids on the dock! If you were unaware, there was a boy band in the late 1980s, and early 1990s called New Kids On The Block. They were incredibly successful and undoubtedly popular if someone was willing to name their boat after them, even using the same font.

We hope that the only rule of the boat is that New Kids on the Block has to be playing whenever the boat is in motion. Now that would be dedication.

What Happened To The First Unsinkable?

Photo Credits: allthingsnautical4u / Instagram

Well, there must have been an original “Unsinkable.” We’re willing to bet that it probably sank, which is why the owners have a new boat. We admire that they kept their heads held high and could laugh at their misfortune instead of pretending like nothing ever happened.

It shows a lot of pride and clearly their love for boats if they were willing to get another one. On the off chance that this boat sinks, will there be an Unsinkable III or will they get the message? Only time will tell.

Loudest Ship In The Harbor

Photo Credits: funnyboatnames / Instagram

Fans of heavy metal are sure to appreciate this boat’s name. More specifically, the font that the name is printed in. Hopefully, the owner of this boat listens to Slayer, or else they might run into trouble with people that actually do.

If they are big fans of Slayer, the chances are that their neighbors on the dock are less than thrilled whenever they start listening to music. Regardless it’s a great play on words, and it’s guaranteed that nobody else thought of this one. Rock on, man.

Next Stop: Middle Earth

Photo Credits: nospecialhurry / Instagram

The thing that makes this boat’s name so great is the complete randomness of it. It’s not a Hobbit or Lord of the Rings pun or joke; it’s just named Bilbo Baggins. Although they could have called it something less evident with a nod to one of Tolkien’s novels, they just decided to leave it at Bilbo Baggins. Which we appreciate.

Not everyone has the confidence to do something like this, but this boat owner doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Their boat’s name is Bilbo Baggins, and that’s that.

Check out the boat that strikes fear into the hearts of all the fish in the sea.

On Their Way To The Catalina Wine Mixer

Photo Credits: funnyboatnames / Instagram

Nothing shows more dedication and love for the comedy movie Step Brothers than naming your boat after the fictional failed company Prestige Worldwide. Although they could have named it something a little more inappropriate involving the theme song for Prestige Worldwide, we think that this is a perfect fit.

Now, all we hope is that they don’t end up destroying the boat in a negligent accident like the one in the movie. We’re sure people are always yelling Step Brothers quotes at them when they’re on the water.

Try Refreshing

Photo Credits: funnyboatnames / Instagram

The owner of this boat has to work in tech because we don’t think any regular fisherman would think this is funny. This person probably gets made fun of on the water, because they’re making it known to the public that they rarely catch anything.

That also may explain why the boat is parked next to the house and not docked somewhere where it is ready to be used in an instant.

I’m Going To Make The Cod An Offer They Can’t Refuse

Photo Credits: funnyboatnames / Instagram

Now, this boat’s name lets everyone who sees it know that they mean business. Unlike the Error 404 boat, this one looks like it does quite well for itself when it comes to fishing. It has a fish with a Tommy gun smoking a cigar on it, for crying out loud.

Other boats would be wise to get out of its way because if the owner has the mentality of anything close to Don Corleone, they could end up underneath the water where nobody would ever find them.

Technically Not Lying

Photo Credits: sawyer_the_doodle / Instagram

Whoever named this boat is probably someone that doesn’t like to lie outright, but instead, conveniently leave bits and pieces of information out of a story. if someone asks where they are or what they’re doing, technically, they are “in a meeting.”

The only problem is that they might cry wolf one too many times and people will never believe them when they are actually in a meeting. The idea is there; however, the execution might not work out so well.

In More Ways Than One

Photo Credits: davidswa89 / Instagram

Here, we have a classic example of a dad who got himself a boat and couldn’t resist adding a dad joke into the name. The odds are that his wife hates it and refuses to step on board until he changes the name to something more appropriate.

That’s probably not going to happen, and Breaking’ Wind is most likely going to be in the family for the foreseeable future. Hopefully, he has a son that he can pass it down to so the name is never changed and its legacy lives on.

Something Is Better Than No Name At All

Photo Credits: boat_names / Instagram

We’re not sure if there’s a significant meaning to this name, but to us, it looks like they couldn’t think of anything, so they named it “two words.” Since most boat names usually have two words, we guess this makes sense although it shows a lack of effort on the owners part.

To each their own, and we guess that this is better than not naming your boat, which is frowned upon in the boating community. Maybe this is just temporary until the owner comes up with something that they’re proud to have on their boat.

I See What You Did There

Photo Credits: fishenvycharters / Instagram

Looks like this captain wanted their boat to have a scandalous name, yet still wanted to keep it appropriate for the kids. We’re going to assume that this person knows their boat knots really well, or else this wouldn’t make very much sense.

However, we do appreciate the creativity and their desire to still give their vessel a borderline inappropriate name. Naming it simply “naughty” might be a little much, so turning it into a boating pun worked out.

Trying To Chill?

Photo Credits: arbusis / Instagram

Looks like we’ve found the most chill person in the harbor. While most people may “chill” in their free time, this boat captain has a license to do so. That’s some pretty serious stuff.

The chances are that people on this boat can usually be seen on this boat kicking back, listening to music, and having a cold one at all times of the day. We hope that they uphold this claim because you have a lot to prove if you prove if you say that you have a license to chill.

Very Subtle

Photo Credits: fox_since_1993 / Instagram

While this boat’s name could mean a multitude of things, we’re going to go ahead and assume that it’s referring to getting blackout drunk. I mean, even the paint on the boat is black, so if that’s not another hint to the meaning, then I don’t know what is.

Although it’s not uncommon to name your boat after something party-related, to call it after being so drunk, you can’t remember anything is a bold move. We just hope the blacking out happens in the harbor and not out on the water.

Steer Clear Of This Warship

Photo Credits: thesignageinc / Instagram

For those that are unaware, The Art of War is an ancient Chinese military treatise written by the military strategist Sun Tzu. It has made a major influence on military strategy throughout the world since it was first published. Now, why is it the name of someone’s weekend boat? We’re not entirely sure.

However, we assume that people stay out of their way on the water or else The Art of War might start some problems. So maybe it’s not a bad name after all.

What Time Is It?

Photo Credits: davidkostap / Instagram

We’re going to take an educated guess and say that the person that owns this boat is a lover of tea, is English, or both. It could also be a reference to playing golf at the same time too.

We wonder how much tea they must have on board if that’s what they ended up naming their boat. They better watch out for other sailors, or else they might have another Boston Tea Party on their hands.

Planning Ahead

Photo Credits: rockymtnchild514 / Instagram

We all know somebody that is praying for a zombie apocalypse of some time because they believe they have what it takes to survive. We’re not sure why anyone would secretly hope for something like that, but they’re out there.

The owner of this boat appears to be one of those people, and they want everyone to know that they’ll be fine because supposedly zombies can’t swim. They just better hope that if a zombie apocalypse ever happens, they can’t.

Pretty Straightforward

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While we’ve already seen that boat captains love to name their vessels after something alcohol-related, this person got straight to the point. There’s no puns or references here. They just decided to name it “champagne” and call it a day.

They probably only drink champagne on board, and any other types of alcohol aren’t welcome. Maybe they also have boats named “beer,” “whiskey”, and “wine.” People should start naming their boats after types of alcohol more often.

Does Whatever A Spider-Pig Does

Photo Credits: rosenellierivera / Instagram

Simpson’s fans will get this reference from a mile away and probably wish they had the same idea when naming their own boat. This is a reference to The Simpsons Movie when Homer gets a pet pick and decides that he isn’t just an ordinary pig, but a spider-pig.

The other cool thing about this name is that even if you don’t get the reference, it’s still random enough to make it unique among the other boats out there.

Cash Would Be Proud

Photo Credits: imzadi139 / Instagram

It’s safe to assume that the captain of this boat name is Johnny and that he probably spent all of his cash in order to buy it. We also probably wouldn’t be far off guessing that Johnny is also a big Johnny Cash fan.

So, the name is killing two birds with one stone. If you ever hear “Ring of Fire” or “Fulsom Prison Blues” blasting out on the water, it’s most likely Johnny’s Cash just cruising through.

The Name Says It All

Photo Credits: fishersigns / Instagram

We’re willing to take a guess that the owners of this boat probably have quite the reputation around the harbor. You don’t name your boat “Shameless” unless you’re ready to live up to the expectations. It’s likely that the boat was named for the behavior that occurs on board and not the Showtime series Shameless.

The people of Milford, Connecticut better watch out when “Shameless” is in the area because they are most likely unpredictable and take no responsibility for their actions.

Good To Know

Photo Credits: anastasia_innes / Instagram

It appears as though this person named their boat after a few of the things that they like best. An interesting combination, but we don’t think they were trying to be very subtle about it, at all.

So ladies, if you’re blonde and love a man that works in stocks, this is the boat you want to be on next Labor Day. However, the boat looks a little bit cluttered, not something that will help this guy get as many blonde ladies as possible on board.

This Guy Drinks

Photo Credits: 1upperformancegear / Instagram

Although some people might find the name “pour decisions” to be the best part about this boat. What we really appreciate are the martini glasses and shakers that have so eloquently been painted on the back so that people know that they are referring to drinking alcohol.

We still haven’t figured out the glorification of drinking while driving a boat. Because to us, this looks like a good reason to get pulled over for no reason at all.

Huge Sushi Fans

Photo Credits: teetosigns / Instagram

Who would have thought that there was someone that was this obsessed with sushi in Texas? We’re not saying that people from Texas can’t enjoy sushi, but naming your boat after it requires some serious dedication.

With that being said, maybe they go fishing and eat the fish straight out of the water, getting as close to real sashimi as you can get? In that case, sign me up for the next fishing trip this boat goes on.

Can Never Get A Break

Photo Credits: always_something_officialpage / Instagram

It’s clear that whoever named this boat is a realist. They understand that there’s usually always something that gets in the way of your plans. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just a part of life that you can either accept or be upset over.

This person has definitely accepted that something is always bound to come up, so they’ve even named their boat after that unavoidable aspect of life. It’s a constant reminder to themselves and others that pass by their boat.

Boating Themselves To Death

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Photo Credits: durm4x / Instagram

While we’ve seen plenty of others name their boat about what appears to be their drinking problems, this one is the most tasteful by far. They’re not necessarily claiming that all they like to do on their boat is drink, but instead that they’re addicted to boating. Usually, we would expect to see other decals of alcohol or drinking references, but not here.

This person seems to actually be addicted to being on their boat which is something we can understand.

Star Wars Fanatic

Photo Credits: nerdygreasemoneky / Instagram

Wow. This person really went all-in with the Star Wars theme of their boat. They didn’t just name the boat Rogue One; they got it done in the Star Wars font and everything. Honestly, it looks pretty cool, and we’re sure that any other Star Wars superfans would be jealous not to have thought of that when naming their own boat.

We wonder if this person has named anything else they own something Star Wars related. A kid, or maybe a dog?

Topless Only

Photo Credits: standcraft / Instagram

We really like the double meaning behind this boat name. Although the boat is topless and doesn’t have a cover on it, we can also assume that it has a deeper meaning.

Although it may not be as brash as some other boat names, it’s the perfect amount of class with a little bit of sailor crudeness thrown in there. We think that some serious thought into naming this boat and it proves that patience pays off.

Quite The Impulse Buy

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There’s nothing quite like letting people know how impulsive and spontaneous you are. Other people love it too. It shows that you play by your own rules and that you’re as unpredictable as people get. While most people might impulsively buy a new pair of shoes, this person decided to buy a boat.

However, not only did they impulsively buy a boat, they named their boat so that everyone knows they could buy a boat because they felt like it.

Play On Words

Photo Credits: seanlovestattoo / Instagram

There’s no hiding what this boat’s captain is into. He likes to fish and he appears to like chicks too. We’re not sure if this is a reference to baby chickens or women, but we’re just going to assume that they love baby chickens.

We need more people that love baby animals so much that they’re willing to name their boat after them. We wonder if they like chips though because we heard that those go really well with fish.

Congratulations!

Photo Credits: hinckleyyeachts / Instagram

Oh man, this is a whole new level of boasting. Nothing says looks at me like driving a boat with the number of Instagram followers you have as the boat’s name. Granted, this person is one of the few if not the only person to be so bold as to do this, so we have to give respect for where it is due.

The real question is, what happens if the number ever changes? Do they have to change it all the time or are they happy with 16,000?