The future is here folks and gone are the days when parenthood products only come in muted pastel colors or paisley designs. There’s a whole world out there beyond the giraffe and zebra print too – and it’s warm in the center with a crispy outer shell.
Here and ready to soothe is the tortilla baby swaddle blanket. It’s adorable, it’s entertaining, and it comes with beans, but guac is extra. Here are the burrito babies and other customers enjoying the weird and wonderful world of 21st-century parenting. Spoiler alert – there’s a lot of cute onesie action.
Tortilla Swaddler Makes This The Most Expensive Burrito You’ll Buy
This burrito only comes in snack size – thank God because you wouldn’t have been able to finish a large anyways. These savory swaddlers are making waves all over the internet right now and I’m here for it.
Parents everywhere are discarding their boring and common swaddle blankets for cozy themed ones that everyone can enjoy. As long as it’s soft, the baby is happy – it’s an added bonus if it looks as good as it feels. Viva la baby wraps!
The Only Good Two-Week Old Burrito
This sweetheart really makes our hearts and tex-mex mix over rice melt. What better way to celebrate your child’s birth than by decking them out in the second most important thing in your life – a crispy tortilla.
The best thing about this blanket is the hat that it comes with. The added cap pays a needed homage to that underrated extra little bit of tortilla on the end of your burrito that is untouched by toppings. You can salute every part of the burrito with this purchase.
This Parent Knows The Value Of Sides
They might have gone too far or they might have made a fantastic discovery. Either way, it makes for an incredibly cute photo. Just make sure the baby doesn’t roll over.
This cutie is smiling as well. Maybe they’re thinking they can snag a few chips and guac from their parents. Too bad their arms are wrapped nice and tight in this swaddle. If only they could wiggle a little to the right and get their mouth close to that chip sticking up…
GTL – Gym, Tantrum, Lay Down
You’re intimidated by this gym rat – I know I am. You walk into the local gym and there’s this baby in the corner benching 3 times their body weight and making direct eye contact with you. It makes you nervous and you quickly set personal fitness goals.
This baby is a true fitness fanatic and we’re inspired by their drive to get in a quick workout in between their nap and snuggles. Go get that extra set in and push it to the limit baby!
An Honest And Economic Onesie
This onesie is as cute as it is honest. This little guy is making sure he’s in the black and watching his earnings and deductions this February. Plus, he looks adorable while doing it.
Just look at that cheeky grin. That’s the smile of a financially stable and conscious little man with a healthy 401K before any of us. Whoever his parents are, they should be excited to watch this baby grow and develop his entrepreneurial spirit. Or at least his ability to make financially aware self-deprecating humor.
Caught Before World Star
We were lucky enough to witness this interaction outside the local watering hole where this bar-fly had a problem with the smack that this lady was talking. Apparently, she was talking about switching his apple-pear-sweet potato mash to asparagus and broccoli. Not cool lady, don’t you know who runs the part of town you’re in?
Whatever it was, this lady definitely deserves the chewing out she’s getting from this local tough guy. This shirt is perfect for the little babies who are always ready to stand up for their beliefs – or to take their first steps.
Honesty Is The Best Policy
This baby knows the golden rule: don’t lie on your resume, passport, or your t-shirts. Instead of walking into pre-school with an index card cheat sheet of symbols in her back pocket, this gal decided to be upfront and advertise the entry-level skills she has. We have a lot of respect for the candor she’s got.
This shirt is a great conversation starter among her peers too. They can definitely relate to her desire to learn more and break into the reading world. Wait, babies wouldn’t be able to read the shirt… nevermind.
This Soother Isn’t Soothing For This Baby
What’s scaring this baby? Is it the price of dental work in the 21st-century? Or is it the fact that soothers aren’t good for teeth coming in anyway, so even if this pacifier is a joke they might end up with these teeth in the long run? These are good guesses but it’s probably just a medium-loud noise.
This soother is a great way to turn something obnoxious on a baby’s face into something even more obnoxious. Let’s face (pun intended) the facts — if you’re getting an ostentatious pacifier you might as well double-down. Or buck-le down.
There Are Secrets In His Smile
Like the last baby, these pacifiers seem to tell a story. Here we have a baby on the go. Is he going to get dental work done? Is he going to a Bugs Bunny-themed party? No, he’s probably just going to get more juice from the fridge.
These soothers are fun for everyone too. You, your guests, the internet, and the baby. The baby gets the benefits of a pacifier while also having the added bonus of making everyone laugh around him. A smile a day really does keep the dentist away.
Selfie Pout Game On Point
This little lady decided to get her Instagram game on fleek really early. She’s got the perfect selfie pout already down pat. Or more appropriately, down pac-ifier. Ha, ha, ha…
This pacifier is a great shade of rouge too for an added stylish bonus. She doesn’t know it yet, but this baby is accomplishing what many hope to do – she’s both fashionable and funny. Move over Carol Burnet because this kid is coming in ready to make waves. Get your pout on girl.
The Holy Trinity
This mom knows the value of a good 3-for-1 deal and the value of a good laugh. These kids are going to grow up with a great sense of humor or at least a desire to grow a mustache later in life.
An unexpected bonus of this pacifier is that if you have triplets and have a hard time telling them apart, these soothers will make it easy. Until you take them out to wash them, or so the babies can eat, or one of them rips it out of its mouth in a baby-food fuelled moment of ‘hangriness.’
You Don’t Know The #HugLife
This is another tough customer who’s done with you assuming things about his lifestyle. You think he doesn’t like a good hug? You’re wrong. Hugs are his favorite things in the world and he can’t live without them. Only on Wednesdays though, the rest of the week he wears his other favorite things on t-shirts.
This shirt is great for letting people know what your baby’s likes and dislikes are. Gone are the days when babies had to carry around business cards explaining what their stances were on hot issues. Now there’s no mistake the #huglife is for him.
Look Fresh In A Bandana Bib
This baby is the coolest person we’ve ever seen. Imagine you walk into a room and there’s this baby working on his modeling career and is giving you this look. You’re going to be very intimidated. You’re also going to buy whatever he’s selling because he’s just that cool.
Bandana bibs are perfect for the baby who knows they have a food control issue but doesn’t want to disrupt their day to go home and change outfits. You can wipe drool and wipe the floor with the competition in these fancy bibs. Excellent functionality kid.
Swole And Sweet
Suns out, guns out, and gums out, am I right? This baby is all prepared for summer in a muscle-tee that is sure to have the other kids on the playground turning their heads. He’s paired it with a sensible bandana too to mop up the sweat on his brow from the heat and the workout.
This shirt is the baby version of the BBQ bikini t-shirt and the joke is still hilarious. It’s good to know that some trends never die and some summer classics are wearable for all ages.
Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery
This dad knows his way around his keyboard shortcuts and an Amazon baby clothing purchase. Just look at that kid’s face! He’s so happy him and his dad can wear matching shirts out. Now nobody change their shirt or else it won’t make sense.
This shirt takes carbon copy to a whole new level. You can buy them for yourself and any relative or even for that person in your life who is always copying what you do. I see you Margaret, I wore those pants with that shirt yesterday.
Spit That Out!…Oh Wait
I don’t know who came up with this and why they decided that a hand saw was the appropriate teether design, but this product is truly the flinch-inducer of the century. If you buy your kid this then you’re setting yourself up for a whole lot of double-takes and fearful moments. Enjoy the high blood pressure.
This teether would be a great way to introduce your kid to construction safety, though. It’s got a regulation handle, and it’s the perfect size for the baby’s little hands. Is this a win or worrying thing?
Pounding ‘Em Back And Chewing ‘Em Out
This teether immediately makes your baby the life of the party. Nobody is going to be asking if they can grab this guy a cold one from the fridge – he’s clearly had enough.
This teether is incredibly entertaining for everyone who sees it. You would be having mini heart-attacks all day when you see this baby out of the corner of your eye sipping on a brewski. It would be even funnier for guests when they come over. At least it’s a lager – this baby has a refined palette.
Keeping It Real…And Stinky
Every parent, baby sitter, or grandparent has done the sniff test to check the diaper at least once in their lives. In these moments, you’re armed and ready to smell a smell – but the creator of this onesie is clearly accustomed to the little surprise warnings their kid leaves them.
Can you tell if this little face is smug? I think what we’re dealing with is the stone-cold face of a serial toot-machine. They know their power and they’re not afraid to use it. It’s terrifying.
They Are For Toothless People I Guess
This denture baby teether may be a little early in its marketing – but hey, both the young and the old may be lacking in the tooth department, so it definitely works. This baby was just planning ahead when they grabbed this particular teether.
While it’s undoubtedly a good product, it’s a little eerie to see a baby holding a full set of teeth. I’d pay to see the pacifier version of this since it would be undoubtedly hilarious for a baby to have a full set of pristine veneers. Say cheese!
Some Light Bedtime Reading
Famous novelist Orhan Pamuk once said, ‘I read a book one day and my whole life was changed.’ Little did you know he was talking about reading this book to his two-month-old after one week on 6 hours of sleep. After the baby finally fell asleep Pamuk went on to win a Nobel Prize and has kept the bedtime tradition ever since.
This book is the perfect purchase for parents just a little fed up with their kids’ sleeping habits. The best part of this purchase is that you know it works! The product testimony is his angelic sleeping face.